4.24.24.
→ push and pull: on the last 3 years of computer music
today i went to The City to get some errands done, and afterwards i went to Costco and bought a chicken bake and hot dog for $5.70 (so awesome). i initially planned to walk around and take some photos today, but the weather wasn’t great so i just went home. hopefully i can do some more “urban hiking” when the skies clear up later this week.
i try not to talk about my thoughts on writing music very much, because it tends to satiate the part of my brain that gets the actual writing done. this is a well-observed thing across all artists; there was a twitter thread describing how posting WIPs all the time can paradoxically kill your motivation to finish the WIPs because you’ve already gotten the dopamine hit of Posting It, + the way that social media values art in general can kill your intrinsic motivation. if i ever find it again i’ll link it here.
at the same time, it’s been a while since i’ve put my time with music into words – actually, i probably never have, at least “publicly” – and at this point i think it’ll be helpful to do so. and hopefully writing without a 280-character limit makes a difference too.
one of the things that surprised me most when i started talking to my peers in music was learning that they are often disappointed with their previous work. i find myself to be the complete opposite, looking back fondly on what i was making and listening to years ago. yesterday i went back and looked at my OpenMPT modules from the last 2 years and upon listening, my first thought was Damn This Was Really Good, composition-wise – and my second thought was, “this is what matters to me”. my composition was much, much sharper and more nuanced then. i grew up learning jazz piano, so my musical chops were still around at the time, and in general i was more open and adventurous. it was really good honestly, and although a lot of these are “unfinished” i do hope i can rework them and someday share them in a nice narrative way.
it’s strange because i remember feeling heavily restricted by OpenMPT’s handling of VSTs/effects at the time, and i struggled to get the “polished” sound that i’ve made strides towards now. but the body of the work absolutely shines through in ways i’ve been fighting for since i moved to Renoise, where production elements are far more visible.
in all honesty, this was something i didn’t really notice until i opened my old modules yesterday, and i was absolutely blindsided by it. i love writing in a tracker because it’s lighting-fast, so ideas don’t “decay” as much when you transfer them from your brain to the sequencer. but for better or worse, Renoise is a DAW. and i’ve had the horrific realization that i’ve spent too much time here
the effects panel of renoise.instead of here.
the pattern editor of renoise.to preface, i owe so, so much from the people i’ve learned production skills from (and if any of you ever come across this post, i would love to name you. you’re all so incredibly talented, and you’ve probably found your own answers to this already). but i can’t help but feel like learning the habit of stacking EQs, sidechains, and a bunch of “special sauce” plugins has left me sorely lacking in intent and direction when it comes to writing. i am not sure that what i’ve made recently would still stand if i took these things away; it’s all technically impressive in comparison to my old work, but i’m really not sure that it strikes me the way my old work did.
i was previously embarrassed by the rough edges of my OpenMPT modules. today i’m embarrassed by the emptiness that my newer songs have, like it’s “missing” something. (note to you and me: regardless, stay graceful and grounded about it. it is not the end of the world to make something you are not 100% proud of. i am very happy with what i’ve done in other ways). i swear i keep the concept of “broad strokes” on the back of my hand at all times… but lately in practice, i feel i can’t move forward if it’s not technically acceptable. and this isn’t how i want to feel.
the greatest vst handling of all timewhat now?
i’m not really a chiptune musician, and since i’ve started putting more work into this site as my home, i feel more free than ever to do whatever i want without being boxed in. but i really appreciate what i’ve learned while working within the limitations of chiptune and proper tracker music, and i’d like to get back in touch with that. of course, the real fun happens when you blur the lines between sound design and song writing, like when rocket scientists and toy designers working together (sometimes, they’re even the same person). and after all, good tone is half the battle of learning an instrument...
sound design, mixing, i guess Proper Producing in general has been a very fun and useful excursion that i’ll take away from and keep learning forever. but at this point, i think i get more joy out of song writing and keeping things compact, even if it’s through a handful of rough waveforms or broken soundfonts. it means Something to me.
what does this mean for the future of my music? i’m getting to the point of “satiation” that i mentioned earlier, but i think it’s also not hard to infer from these last paragraphs. writing a whole album is difficult and i don’t have a timeline; for now, it’ll happen when it happens, but regardless, i’m enjoying the journey and navigating everything. really, i Like to Make Music. it’s fun and awesome. i am going to make More Music, and hopefully with this post, i will Like the Music i make More.
thank you for reading. with gratitude, i’ve attached the full version of “9R”, a song i posted a snippet on twitter last year. It’s about a rapid Muni line with a stop at Costco.
